[07/01/1972]

INTRODUCTION

Wow, this is the first page of my diary! Even better, a journal! It's for my ideas about experiments, sketches and project reports... And feelings, occasionally. Medic gave me this notebook to organize my thoughts, he told me that many times, when he was stuck for an idea, he would start writing in his notebook and soon a eureka moment would happen (that's how he discovered a way to connect a bone saw to the medigun system, making the first prototype of the ubersaw!)

I can't wait to fill every page of this notebook! Right now we're going through a mistake problem restructuring. Medic promised to update me on all the details, but we'll have a new team soon.

Anyway, my uncle assured me that we'll have a new supply of organs and test subjects! Since I joined his intensive mentoring program, we are closer than ever to achieving the feat of bringing a person back to life, we are even betting on our hypotheses (Medic thinks that the whale's pineal gland has to be applied to the frontal lobe, I think it is more effective in the occipital lobe (and when I prove myself correct, I will have a new computer >:} ))

I hope to make many discoveries!


[08/01/1972]

-> REMINDER TO REASSEMBLE UBERGUN FROM THE LABORATORY

- -> BUY THE REST OF THE ORGAN SHIPMENT

Who has a new laboratory? We have a new lab >:} !

Medic gave a great speech in this new place, one of the most inspiring I've ever seen in my life... I wasn't there to see it, but I'm sure! We put the speech together, after all. I was in charge of arranging some of our supplies for the new laboratory (pork liver, horse lungs... just the basics before they release the budget), and taking the laboratory's ubergun. Think of a heavy thing.

This base of operations is quite large. And cold. (These people like air conditioning xD)

These mercenaries seem very idiot busy. I walked up and down looking for where my uncle's room was. I saw some people inside their rooms, organizing weapons, others seemed to be talking about something important, no one seemed to notice that I was waving to ask for help. On another floor I even bumped into a guy, wearing a mask and monocle, and asked him if he knew where I could find Ludwig. “Nurse’s office up front.” He said, then walking away. Pretty busy, I guess.

I met the new nurse! Cordelia seems like a nice lady, she worked with them for a long time. She just seems a little serious, but everyone is in that mood here, it seems.

It seems there are still some Problems of communication. But I hope I can overcome them all in the future.


[16/02/1972]

-> RELOAD WEAPONS FROM THE STOREROOM ✓

-> CHECK AMMUNITION SUPPLY ✓

-> ORGANIZE KITCHEN PANTRY ✓

-> ORGANIZE BEATRICE TOOLS ✓

-> BUY NEW FUEL TANK ✓

-> BUY MORE ANESTHESIA

Exceptionally productive day :}

I'm trying to follow the tips that Cordelia gave me, although I have some contradictions. “Don’t clash with Angus” easy. I mean, in practice this prevents me from saying any contrary opinion, BUT! She also said that "They only trust themselves. You're still a stranger, an outsider... They won't be kind to you", In other words, the solution lies in knowing myself, my strengths! Which I don’t know if “stay in your corner and everything will be fine” will help me.

I'm making progress with Beatrice, she seems to be the team's pyromaniac, I've already packed a bunch of flammable fuel for her room, and she's been giving me more and more tasks, I think she's realized how responsible I am :}. But she's a very sinister old lady. I remember her describing detail for detail about how she burned a guy alive... Bizarre.

My uncle and I are going to start our antics very soon! It takes a while for our orders to arrive in the middle of nowhere and we're trying to hide the fact that we've already used almost half the budget ;-; — And it looks like Cordelia won't want to participate :{ … I tried to give her some hints, but it seems like she didn't like the idea. Medic told me not to be upset, “Scientific ambition is a gift for few”, and that we will do it together like a team, me and him. A team of two. :}

Can you believe these guys don't have any experiments on their body?

-> MIDNIGHT UPDATE, anesthesia delivered, stored in the 3rd drawer of the gray cabinet. I also saw Beatrice smoking outside while I returned inside with the order. I took the opportunity to tell her that I had also organized the pantry, I had forgotten to mention that earlier. I also asked if she thought I would be ready for a field mission, or something more important (so, they started to have some expeditions without taking any medical support... and I'm right here...)

Some of the most common symptoms for lack of sleep are memory loss and irritability. Which makes sense, since it took her a while to remember the very order she had given me (“?...Oh, yes, yes... Good to know.”). Regarding my second question, “Ha… Way later than you might think... But keep up the good work." I mean, she wasn't angry when she said it. It was something more... Ironic?...

Better go to my bed now, the lack of sleep must be affecting me too.

­

[22/03/1972]

-> CLEAN MEDICAL ROOM

-> BUY ORGANS (PRIMATES)

-> call m

-> ORGANIZE VIRGIL WEAPONS

EXPERIMENT REPORT

Subject: Fred Conagher

Objective: Implant a polar bear liver into the test subject, enhancing the absorption of vitamin A in its body

Procedures: Unfortunately we had to perform a procedure with an unconscious patient, since the acceptance of the members with the procedures is still doubtful (Distrusts about carrying out the first experiment – test subject Greg, replacement of one of the kidneys with a dolphin kidney – exist, but they have not yet been properly informed about it. Medic said he will take care of it later).

Connected to the ceiling medigun, we begin by opening the patient, cutting with the scalpel in the abdomen region (cut by me :}). First, we took a moment to observe the inside of the test subject.

Medic pointed out the incision points, which I performed exceptionally well (he said so :} ), leaving the old liver on the tray. Out with the old and in with the new!

The liver is one of the largest organs in the body, imagine a polar bear one! Medic sewed the new organ in order to connect it with the body, while I was in charge of fitting it inside the body (small friction between the lung and the new liver can be noticed, we believe it will not have any relevant consequences). The operation was completed without any problems!

The test subject's sutures were done by Medic, different from the original plan – at the end of the surgery I received a call on my phone, I had to leave the room and he sped up the process, as we weren't so sure how much time we still had.

In short, we had fewer complications regarding collecting and relocating the test subject into his room, compared to the first attempt. This also allowed us to observe the subject's interior more closely.

Unfortunately, we cannot count on an almost unoccupied base to carry out our next surgeries. We will keep observations on the test subject Fred to analyze the results.

Reminders:


[08/04/1972]

-> CHECK AMMUNITION SUPPLY

-> ARRANGE ROSS TOOLS

-> ARRANGE GREG TOOLS

-> WASH CLOTHES ROSS

-> WASH CLOTHES GREG

-> CLEAN VIRGIL'S ROOM

-> MOPP THE LOBBY FLOOR

I've been getting more tasks daily. Yay.

Fatigue is a natural consequence of this, unfortunately. I've been going to bed a little late between days, maybe I should try to talk about it later. Maybe.

I invited Cordelia to go for a swim in the ocean today. It seemed like a good idea to wake me up, and she seemed like she needed to relax a bit (especially after accidentally seeing experiment #14…). At least she's not mad at me. I guess. She said it wasn't my fault she was mad, and didn't say much after that.

I can't believe that only today I decided to walk along the beach! It's like being home... Not exactly, it's so, so, so fucking cold here, but it’s impossible to separate the beach from Salvador. Going home would be nice, but it’s not possible. It’s not like before, in Teufort. I need to stop thinking about before. My parents accepted me going on my “exchange program”, so I don’t need to find a different excuse to disappear all the time!

I took a moment to honor Iemanjá, to maintain my focus…

Anyway, it was great diving. Cordelia can be grumpy, but after getting to know her for a while you can see that she’s actually a really nice person. I see her petting Arquimedes when she finds him flying around the base – while giving an angry lecture about how he should have his own cage. She lets me hang out in her office when there is nothing to do. She tells me about the soap operas she watches, the books she’s reading… And Cordelia also tells me some really funny gossip about the other mercenaries. We more or less understand each other’s Portuguese and Spanish. The other day Cordelia was helping Ross when Greg showed up, they started talking and she came over to me and whispered “maricón”. And I had to hold back my laughter until they left!

Maybe the people here would be more excited if they had a day off. Like a pool sea Thursday, but it seems that it is not their beach. Haha. (Not their cup of tea. This joke doesn't work in english. Lol.)

-> UPDATE ELEVEN PM

It seems that having fewer tasks is non-negotiable…

I risked asking Angus if he could ask the staff to ease up, maybe set a daily limit. He said no. Just “No.” If I’m going to have to do everything, he could have at least grabbed a cleaning product from the top of this shelf for me. I don’t know what a shelf like that is for. Even with me being tall!

“The doctor said you could handle the work. Did he lie?” I might have been thinking a little out loud at that moment. “No, sir…” “Right.”

He also threw a paper on the floor. Maybe, I wasn't looking when he left the room.

But I'm sure it wasn't there before.



After I turned 12, I really wanted to saw something with my uncle's ubersaw. I mean, I always wanted to (and who wouldn't? Red, shiny, extremely sharp), but I was sure that this time I could do it, since I had technically entered adolescence, stopped being a child... a silly girl...

So I went into my uncle's closet, hidden, and tried to grab it. It fell on top of me. I would have been stuck on the floor for who knows how long if Heavy hadn't heard me fall. He picked up the saw like it was a slice of bread and picked me up, asking if I had hurt myself. I hadn't (I was a little sore, but nothing serious). He told me to be more careful. I was upset, how could I still not lift that thing? Heavy said I still had a lot of growing to do... and that I could start getting ready, little by little.

And then he held the ubersaw with me. “Here, try to balance the weight using both hands… That’s it, very good… Just like that!” And I managed to hold it by myself. I lost my balance again trying to lift it up, and Heavy held me back again, but it was enough to make me smile. “Medic should be able to explain better how to saw something… but it’s a start, a good start…” and he patted my head, happy.

Speaking of him, my uncle came into the room. “Oh, here you are! And with the ubersaw! Ah, you little mischievous girl!...” he laughed. “But you caught her in good time! Come, and bring her along!”

The whole RED crowd was in the room, I think. “Ágatha, what would you most like to saw?” A corpse. An obvious, cliché answer… But so what?!!

Butcher heard, “Oh, that wouldn’t be any trouble for me! If your uncle agrees, I’ll bring one right away!” Scout was a little startled by the sentence, “...A corpse?”

Simcha also joined in the conversation, “Everyone carries at least one gun around here. It isn't that absurd… but I don’t know if everyone would like to see that, Ágatha…”

“What do you mean?! Are you going to deny this to a girl? She deserves to have some fun!” Armani laughed. “Look, Ágatha, while I admire your curiosity and love for science… Maybe we can do something lighter today!...” Wolfie analyzed. “... A watermelon, for example, seems like a fun option to get dirty cutting, and you can share with everyone afterwards!”

“Watermelon is a good choice! It would also be a good idea if it was a pie, a pizza or maybe even a cak-” Wolfie and the others looked at Brodie, so that they stopped him from finishing his sentence. And I didn’t even suspect Brodie’s laughter, nor the fact that everyone was gathered like that, out of nowhere.

My uncle leaned down to me and pointed to the door, “How about we saw that off today?” Eli and Demoman were holding a giant cake. Red velvet. And it had Frankenstein's monster on top. Merpati popped a confetti cannon. And I jumped for joy. I even screamed for joy.

Pyro lit the candles for me (and one of the curtains too). I managed to cut the cake, with a little help. Everyone got a piece; my uncle was the first, of course, and then there was the Engineer, Sniper, Soldier… Spy said he wouldn't eat it, but I caught him sneaking a slice later. Target said he would eat it later (probably because of the tentacles), but he was very grateful. The reporter joked, saying the cake's flavor would be worthy of an article in the newspaper. Sailor said it was the first time she had tried red velvet, and that bugs thought it was very good. I even gave one to the wet floor sign (the poor thing helped me so much when I needed to throw something at BLU during a match).

…

Makoto showed up later too. He gave me a hug and a present – ​​a drawing of us. I’ve kept it to this day.

I also gave him cake and, in an act of generosity, I decided to share it with the others on the blue team as well (... We still had a lot of cake… and it was Haru who brought Makoto here, I was embarrassed not to offer him anything. And one thing led to another…)

I heard that there was even some cake was brought to the administration. A guy from the printing department asked if he could take some more to his home.

I had already had a party at home, on my actual birthday date (and a very good one, by the way), so I didn't expect the Fortress guys to also plan something.

I miss it. Playing in the hallways, taking part in matches. Not having to put up with these stupid people, in this stupid place. Nor cry in my room alone.

Oh, [12/05/1972]



[07/06/1972]

->

-> the usual.

I got another call this afternoon. I gave up. I answered. But it wasn't Makoto.

“Hello, Ágatha?… is this still your number?” I heard a voice with a Scottish accent say.

I was surprised. It took me a while to decide whether to answer or not.

“...Ágatha?”

I decided to give in. I decided to answer it. But just as I was about to say my first word, the call dropped. My phone was low on battery, I knew I should have put it on charge in the morning. Screw it, I thought. I used the phone in my uncle's office, he wasn't there. And I wanted to talk to someone...

It remained to be seen whether I still remembered the phone number by heart.

“Hello… tio demo?...”

“Ágatha! Long time no see, girl! How are you?” He seemed happy that I had called again.

“Haha, I’m fine, I’m fine… and you?”

He took a deep breath. “I’m not going to lie to ye. Five months without working has done something to me.”

“Huh? Did you leave all your jobs?”

“Aye, after everyone got fired from Fortress, I decided to quit my other two as well, take a sabbatical month… But I guess my idea backfired.”

“Ah, maybe it would be good to rest a little more… You always worked a lot.”

“I’ve been sitting on this couch for about… 6 hours. Binge-watching series. With Eyelander. He also said hi, by the way.”

“Wow…”

“Yeah… But enough about me! What about you? Are you studying?”

“I finished school last year… I’m working with my uncle!”

“How wonderful!!! Time flies, huh? I was watching this series, uh… Addams! The Addams Family! And I remembered of you seeing that little girl. I remember her asking if she could play autopsy with her father’s knife… You have played autopsy in truth, isn't that right?”

“Hahaha! I remember you saying you were going to need a whole bottle of scrumpy after seeing that.”

“I actually needed three, I wanted to look tough!”

We both laughed a lot. It was good to unearth that memory. I think he agreed too.

“Hoho ho… But, you know… I also remembered how much I lost track of time. Your birthday, it has already passed, hasn't it?”

I swallowed hard on the other end of the line.

“...It's been a while, yes... But don't worry, Uncle Tavish... I had a birthday party with the people here.”

“Ágatha… forgive me, okay… I'm glad it didn't go unnoticed, no one deserves to have their 16th birthday forgotten.”

“...Eighteen, uncle. I turned eighteen.”

“Eighteen years old, my god… Time flies, doesn’t it?”

"It does..."

He gave a long sigh. “I'm getting old, aren't I?”. We laughed a little again. Then Demoman spoke again, sadder. “I miss being away from Reliable Excavation so much… It’s been a long time since I last spoke to anyone. Everyone’s taking care of their own things, I guess… It sucks, the job I liked the most. We fought so hard… And it ended up leading to nothing in the end…”

I grabbed the telephone cord. I wanted to say that yes, I missed a lot too. That was the place where I felt safer, when everything went wrong. That was my family too.

“But enough of listening to the whining of a whiny old man, I want to hear more from you! Are you enjoying your job? You and your uncle must be stealing a lot of organs out there, huh?

“Ah… It’s cool.”

“...Just cool?”

“Yes, very cool…”

“Cool, cool… Who are the others who work with you? Are they cool?”

“...Ah, yes they are… there is… Fred, he assembles some machines, fixes some things…”

“Oh, like an engineer?”

“Yeah, similar, I think… There’s also Cordelia! She’s an old school nurse here, she looks mean, but she’s a sweetheart. I talk to her a lot when I’m not working or helping my uncle.”

“How nice! So she helps you and medic with your experiments and stuffs too?”

“No, actually she hates our antics, hahaha!... And then we have Greg, who… is pretty fast… Ross comes up with some battle strategies, I think… Virgil has a good aim… Beatrice works with some flammables… Wendell works with some explosives… Ambrosio is pretty discreet… And there’s… Angus. Who’s the… boss in here.”

“Hmm… it’s kind of similar to the base, isn’t it? Haha!, but they’re not better than us, are they?”

“Pff, of course not… Like, you would never ask me to unclog gunpowder of a box full of guns at about ten o'clock night, unlike Wendell.”

"... What?"

I hadn't thought much about it when I answered. I tried to hide myself, but the disaster had already happened.

“But like, it didn’t take what, like 20 minutes?”

“Ágatha, how long have you been working? And working with what?, because that is not hospital work!”

“No, no, tio demo… It’s not every day that I stay this late, I… I help with a little bit of everything here, on the days when it’s quieter I finish earlier, on the days when it’s busier…”

“You stay late? Later than that? So they're throwing all that work at you then?!! Ágatha, you are not slave to these people, you can't let them use you like that even if they are being nice to you”

“Humph, If they were at least.” Again. As if my mouth had a mind of its own.

"...What do you mean?"

“I mean. It’s a job, right? It’s not all peace and love 24 hours a day.”

“Girl. Are you treated well there?”

“It’s okay, I-”

“Ágatha. Are you treated well in there?”

“...Cordelia is always being nice to me…”

“Okay, but what about the others? Besides Cordelia, besides Medic?”

“That’s… Relative. You know, it’s that thing of treating someone a little tough, so that the person becomes tough too, haha…”

“...Can you tell me one nice thing someone on this team has done for you?”

"..." None.

“Ágatha, since you were little you have always been a determined, hard-working, smart and fearless girl. You cannot accept anything less than respect from others, do you understand?”

Demoman then went silent. Maybe I shed a few tears on my end of the line. Maybe he heard.

“...Girl…”

I wiped my face, trying to stay calm.

“You don't have to worry about me, I'm strong, okay? Do you think I was shaken when they pretended I didn't even exist on my first day? When they insinuated to my face that I wouldn't be part of the team? That they didn't trust me? Tio demo, I can bear the brunt. If I could take a punch, everything else is a piece of cake.”

“...A punch?”

“...”

“Ágatha…A punch?”

“...”

“... Ágatha, I need to speak to your uncle.”

“Please, I-”

“Ágatha, I need to talk to your uncle. Please, I can't leave you like this.”

“Uncle Demoman, I… I-”

“Is Demoman on the line?” Uncle Medic’s voice came from behind me. I only had time to wipe my face again before he saw me. Medic walked quickly to the phone and pulled it out of the socket. He looked… scared? The phone in his pocket started ringing. He asked me to wait outside the room, and so I did… except I peeked through the door. My uncle spoke to the Demoman (over Demoman, even), very quick and succinct. “Hello. Yes, we are in a new job, thank you for your concern. We are happy here, please do not call again. I know what I do, I am her uncle. Don't call again.”

Medic was right. He is my uncle. He's the one who has been my inspiration since I can remember. He's the one who brought me to the lab, to the battlefield. He's the one who taught me that being weird wasn't a bad thing. So I'll put up with it all, I'll put up with it all until the end. I'll put up with the contempt, I'll put up with the longing. I won't question why I can't talk with anyone from Team Fortress, or why I can't talk about Team Fortress around this team. I'll ignore why I can't say that the Engineer and Fred have the same last name, why no one tells me what the hell we're actually working on, or any other weirdness. I'll put up with it all, because I'm with him, and if my uncle puts me here and makes all these strange requests to me, it's because he knows what he's doing, and it'll all make sense one day. Because Herbert Ludwig is the best doctor and the best scientist who ever lived, and I know I can trust him. Because something still needs to make sense in this world.

“...Do you need to talk to me about something, Ágatha? You know you can count on me for anything, right?”

“I was just homesick, sorry tio, it won’t happen again…”

“It’s okay, it’s okay…” he hugged me.

Don't worry uncle, I won't get in the way of your plans.


[09/06/1972]

Everyone's still on that... mission... of theirs. I guess I'm just unaccustomed to not taking orders now. Strange... I watched the Frankenstein movie again. I remember watching it for the first time with the Medic, when I was five. And I remember Cordelia muttering "how awful..." after every scene, while I laughed... Still, she insisted on watching it all the way through !



[12/06/1972]
-> the usual
I finished everything at a little after eight in the evening. I remembered that as a child, every now and then, I would play with a slingshot and throw rocks at random pieces of trash.
With nothing to do, wanting to see if I could take out my anger on something… I went outside to try to break some bottles with a makeshift slingshot. I stayed there for a while.
…Angus suddenly appeared. “Geez, I haven't done that since I was seven, maybe?... Relax, I'm not going to bite you.” Maybe I was startled when he showed up. He leaned against a wall and criticized me for practicing every throw. “Wow!” “You missed, you know.” “Are you doing that with your eyes closed?” “Two out of six shoots? You wouldn't survive five minutes on a battlefield.”
“Do you want to come do better?” My mouth will kill me one day. I mean, from the… day, I realized this guy's modus operandi is to purposely irritate me until I snap, and then punish me for snapping. Luckily, today he seemed in a good mood, he let out one of those loud laughs.
"Come on, give me that shit." He practically snatched the slingshot from my hand. He hit them all like it was nothing, it didn't even look like he was covered in bandages recovering from whatever happened. He only left one. "Humans generally have two eyes. If aiming with one isn't working, persisting won't change anything. Have you thought about that?"
I tried, aiming with my other eye. I managed to hit. "Yeah, you are not useless... But there's the emotional aspect too, right?..." Well, I had hit two bottles when I was alone... Or when I thought I was, at least. And he continued,
"You know, you remind me of myself when I was a kid... It makes me wonder what you'd be like if you had someone to teach you how to aim a slingshot, how to aim a shotgun, how to survive a fight..."
"I have my uncle."
"Ha... If I were you, I wouldn't bet on him..."
"He's never hit me before."
"Pff, still hysterical about that? Come on, everyone hurts each other in one way or another, it's the horrible nature of human beings. You have to learn to see beyond that. Think about where you'd have more success, more profits..."
"I think we're quite different from each other. I still prefer my uncle."
"Hmm... Your choice. I guess that's it, not everyone is destined for greatness..." He turned to leave, saying one last sentence before leaving completely; "Still, if I were you, I wouldn't bet all your chips on this guy. Try talking to him... Maybe you'll change your mind."
I refuse to do mental gymnastics with this guy. I refuse to be afraid of him. I refuse to let a guy WITH A BABOON UTERUS CLOSED INSIDE HIM affect me like this. I won't let him turn me against my own uncle.


[02/07/1972]
-> Fred's tasks
Not much work these days. Nice.
I played chess with Cordelia. I remembered the day I put almost half of all the pieces in my mouth when Heavy tried to explain how to play.
... Is my childhood self still in here? I prefer to think so. Just getting some sleep...

[05/07/1972]
-> Virgil's tasks
-> Beatrice's tasks
Cordelia made churro cake. One more piece and I'll cry thinking about home.